I wanted to kill myself.
I told her. I didn’t see any point in being alive.
I was answering almost every question with “What’s the use of all this? Why am I even trying?”
Yes, I was depressed. And I was undergoing therapy sessions.
But I don’t know. There was a part inside of me who denied to give up, a part that wanted to get better.
So I opened up. About all the dark and scary things I had in my mind at the moment.
I told my therapist all the things I won’t even tell myself, confessing all the shameful and mean acts I had done to others, all the daunting insecurities I had.
And immediately I had the following effects:
- I became more self-aware
- I started observing patterns about the issues I usually lie about
- My mind got clear, and I felt light
And when I got out of the whole depression times, I asked my therapist, “What was the most important point that helped me to get out of depression?”
She replied, “Dipanshu, from the very first day you were straightaway honest and blunt about sharing your life incidents. You were straightforward and open to talk about your emotions and insecurities. That’s a critical step. Most of the people take a lot of time to open up.”
At that moment, I realized the significance of being vulnerable and opening up.
Over the years, I learned the factors that contribute to opening up. Let me share them with you.
Start with “How was your day?”
I know, I know. Such a cliche!
The start is always going to be small. Baby steps, right?
Notice what kind of words do you use about yourself – about the people around you.
Did you say, “Oh, and Karen just insulted me today for no reason!”
Or did you say, “Oh, and Karen kind-of insulted me today for no reason? She might be going through a tough time.”
Are you being kind and compassionate in your words?
Are you “complaining” in your words?
Speak up, and you’ll notice. Or the person you’re talking to will notice.
Don’t put filters
Let it all out.
Speak your heart out. Let the words flow. Let the tears flow.
To share with you my personal mantra –
“You haven’t opened up enough yet if it doesn’t make you feel scared and awkward in front of others”
No significant change can happen if you’re not ready to explore the darkest areas of your past.
Here’s the rule I am following in writing –
“If the story you’re writing doesn’t scare you… don’t post it.”
You can’t open up in public? No issues. Do it in private. Behind the doors.
Whatever is in your brain, needs to come out. That’s called opening up.
Accept that the process will be tough and slow
The magic begins on Day 1 – when you decide you’ll open up, and let out everything that you’re holding inside of you.
But you won’t see any substantial changes right away.
The process of self-discovery is slow. It takes time. And you can never predict the timing.
Letting your heart out, telling someone all the mean and dumb acts you have done in the past, for no reason – all of it is tough.
Putting your heart in front of someone with all your secrets, over and over again – that’s scary and tough!
But you have to do it anyway.
That’s how your healing begins.
Point out 5 bad things about yourself
And be blunt.
Note down (or speak up) 5 worst things about yourself. Don’t lie.
Everyone has behaviors they can change for the betterment.
Let’s be honest, if there was nothing wrong about you… you wouldn’t be here reading a post on “how to open up”.
Point out 5 best things about yourself
Pointing out bad stuff shouldn’t be a thing to self-sabotage your confidence.
Do speak about what do you love about yourself?
This will make you feel positive, and that’s how you should be ending all of your conversations.
If you don’t have any points to mention here… Babe, you need some self-love.
Be free from the fear of judgment
Oh goodness, only if I could point out how scary you can get about others judging you!
The fear is always going to be there. BUT you can develop courage and open up despite all the fear and insecurities.
That’s the thing – you need to develop courage and find reasons to heal yourself.
People are going to judge. It’s basic human nature.
And you’re going to share everything, let it all out, despite people judging you for it.
Have a glass of water
If you have ever been on a coaching call with me, you’d know that the first thing I do after picking up the call is I ask you to have a glass of water.
Hydrating yourself is so important if you’re opening up and becoming vulnerable. Your dehydrated throat can be an unforeseeable obstacle in your process of talking your heart out.
Babe, have a glass of water. And start talking.
Talk about what excites you the most.
Talk about what scares you the most.
Talk about what you wanted to be when you were a child.
Talk about that wound that’s hurting you.
Talk about how you feel lost.
Talk about your insecurities, your issues, your secrets.
Talk about what you never talk about.
TALKING WILL HEAL YOU.
TALKING WILL CURE YOU.
LET IT ALL OUT.
LET IT FLOW.