“I just wish I could control my overthinking problem” – Almost every person in the world.
But what if you don’t try to ‘control’ your overthinking?
What if, instead, you befriend your overthinking?
Controlling v/s Befriending
That’s my secret. Whatever you can’t control, make it your friend.
Be it your emotions, your depression, your overthinking… whatever it is.
Just MAKE IT YOUR FRIEND.
Controlling anyone gives us a quick ego boost, and pushes us in the world of delusions.
Making someone our friend doesn’t help our ego. Instead, if anything, it keeps our ego in check.
How do you ‘control’ your friend?
No, you don’t.
If there’s an issue among you two, you sit and resolve it.
You acknowledge your issue. You talk to the other person.
You communicate your insecurities, and you try finding a solution. Maybe a middle ground.
But you don’t try ‘controlling’ your friend. Instead, you surrender yourself to the issue and become vulnerable.
Surrender is the way of bliss
Surrender is the antidote to your ego.
Our ego compels us to “control” everything – to become a God-like personality.
Surrendering compels us to stay humane and accept the reality – that no matter how hard we try, we can’t control everything.
And that’s why sometimes the answer is to surrender yourself to the issue and let go of anything that you’re holding for that matter.
But I can do it
No sweetie, you can’t.
If you could, you would have already done it.
The first step in resolving anything is acceptance.
Accept that it’s out of your control.
Accept that you screwed up. Accept that you are screwed up.
Accept that you need help.
Signs of a healthy relationship is not in control
Have you ever seen a couple where one person is controlling the other person throughout their relationship, and live happily ever after?
Duh, I doubt.
It doesn’t work that way.
Control has never been an apt driver for any relation- be it internal or external.
If it’s your relation with someone else, or with yourself, control can’t be a good driver for the whole relation.
If not control, then what?
Lose control, be friends. That’s it.
How do you become friends with anyone?
You say hello. You tell them what makes you happy, what makes you sad, how certain things make you vulnerable, etc.
Basically, you open up. You open up to your friends, and eventually they open up to you as well. And your bond becomes stronger.
Am I making sense till here?
Befriend your overthinking
Sit down with yourself. Take a pen and paper if you will, and play this game.
Today, befriend your overthinking.
Open up to yourself, what are all the things that scare you, what are the things that make you feel worried and stressed.
Write down every damn thing that bothers you. Let it all out.
There are no secrets in friendship, right?
Move on to the second step.
Write down how overthinking is disturbing you. Tell yourself what all issues and patterns do you see when you overthink.
A healthy friendship with overthinking is possible
Once you befriend your overthinking, once you let go of all the control, you develop a healthy friendship with overthinking.
You stop overthinking about all the issues that put you in stress.
That doesn’t mean you’ll stop overthinking altogether.
It means you’ll start overthinking in a productive and better direction.
Your overthinking will start listening to you.
If you’re in an urgent meeting, you can say to your overthinking-
“Hey friend, I’m in the middle of something important. How about we sit together for a cup of coffee in the evening, huh?”
What are your thoughts about this? Do you think this approach can benefit you? Ping me up and let me know 🙂
- Opening Up: Episode 1; Be Vulnerable, it helps!
- A to Z: Everything you need to know about Stoicism
- Ego is the enemy: Book Summary
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